I'm constantly fascinated by the female mind, the "logical" component and the emotional dogmata, so I started to analyze and understand the very few I knew and here is what I inferred. The findings might be close to being called truth or might just be rubbished but hey I at least made an effort to venture into the dark.
Often in dealings with the fairer sex we reach a point where honesty becomes an issue. It's not an issue in the sense you might be thinking of ("Do I tell her I like her?" “Will she accept my love or rub me off as an emotional jerk?”). Rather, by being honest we find ourselves in a relationship -- in the strictest sense of the word, denoting an interactive, communicative situation between two people -- that is quickly crumbling away to nothing or should I rather say something
.
Like a Stoic, our tendency is to accept the warzone-like circumstances as given and do our best to achieve a result we are happy with within those bounds. This means sticking to our principles, sound reasoning and emotional detachment. Unlike a Stoic, however, we constantly find ourselves questioning what is and is not outside of our control.
I attempt some amateur female psychology in an effort to find an answer to this question.
It's quite clear to me that, like some men, most women do not appreciate absolute honesty, preferring instead that men behave in ways that correspond to their fantasy, romantic-comedy version of reality that women are born with implanted in their minds. (This principle does not hold true, of course, in relation to the dirt bag band member boyfriends women typically date. In these situations, women constantly find themselves confused, and consequently aroused, by their inability to tell if their boyfriends are being honest with them or not. For, if the boyfriend were an honest type, the woman would not be dating him in the first place!) Not only do they not appreciate honesty, they tend to punish it when they are faced with it. That or seriously freak out; Sometimes the both.
We all have to admit two things in male-female relationships as fact:
1) Men and women who are attracted to one another cannot remain just friends.
2) Guys want to have sex with almost every woman they come into contact with, some more so than others.
Women pretend to be unaware of 2 and thus deny the inherent truth behind it. Whether or not women actually are aware of 2 is for another understanding, the heart of the matter is that because of their irrational insistence on living a movie with no director, no script and ignorant actors, women go absolutely batshit insane when a man comes clean according to this statement-of-fact 1.
This is the issue with honesty I described near the beginning of this post. Anytime we have been nothing but honest with a woman, anytime we have refused to play games and beat around the bush and instead just admitted that we are attracted to her and would like to be more than friends, we suddenly become a bad guy. At this point we are worse than a jerk, because we admitted being a jerk.
What's in our control and what's out of our control? Is the erosion of the relationship out of our control? In a sense, yes; In another sense, no. It is out of our control in the sense that we are honest. Anyways am not trying to represent the entire men-kind but trying to elucidate a point on ‘to be or not to be (honest)’
I am an honest person and being honest is what comes naturally to me. I can't control for the variance caused by 99.9% of women not appreciating that. The way they respond to who I am is out of my control. It is fully in my control if I choose to be anything but honest.
If we tell our principles to go to hell and instead purposefully set out to be duplicitous lying sacks of shit, we could carry on a relationship at a friendly interval almost indefinitely. This appears to be what most people do. Taking the logic one step further, we could probably adjust our more-than-friends success rate in the positive direction by making this simple change as well. By becoming what we despise, I almost guarantee we also become what women love.
But I am not going to do that, because I am not an Average Person. I'm disciplined enough to not have to resort to unscrupulous tactics to get what I want. (But hey you guys are free from my resolutions or principles)
There's another element of psychology to all of this, and that's one of ego. When confronted with statement-of-fact 1, most women reply that this is an act of chauvinistic belief on our part.
If you really like the person, you should be happy to be friends with them even if they don't want to be anything more than that.
Right? Wrong. Why would any self-respecting guy want to spend his time with a woman who doesn't see anything more in him than a possible source of attention? Why would a guy ever want to position himself for a big fall he can see coming from a mile away by continuing to hang out with a woman who will never let him like her anymore than she thinks he already does?
Women want to talk about ego when confronted with a man who is put off by their implicit rejection of him (going by the 2). What about the woman who thinks she's so great that guys are supposed to line up in front of her cage and watch while she gets along with someone else?
Female psychology? No thanks, I've had my fill.
(Sorry’ but if you cannot get the right RIGHT don’t eat what I throw at you) - just as and in accordance of the famous Ladder theory
