Men and their Toxicity - My Take.

Men have this inferiority complex that makes them assert they they rule the roost, run the pack, make the bunch and so forth, it has always been this whimsical ego that runs amuck and exposes the hypocrite he is. One simple logic we all men don’t understand is staying in control isn’t dominating or pushing yourself over others, especially women. Chivalry is a facade that most men wield to take stock of the person and prove they care but in reality they are just bigots at convenience. 

Humans are perhaps the only species on the face of this earth where men are so threatened and irrelevant that the entirety of the whole male female thing has been spun so well to fit his faint egoistical existence, the rakish man will fight it out to woo the chaste woman being the Prince Charming he is and she will slowly mould her life into his and breed for him and brood. Such is the narrative preached all across for a millennia. 

The boundaries set forth by men bounded women by cultural prejudices, tied them down by making her frail and fragile and most silly being she has to be chaste and passive, but with time women started to break these chains to cross the line and become her intended self, this started to destroy the dainty world of men. 

When men come across women like who have broken these shackles and see themselves as equals or perhaps logically more superior than them, some can’t handle it for their locker room talks are now more about likes of the strength of that woman than their immature bleating of who scored how many to who is packing what. 

I could have just put the message ‘women rock’ but that won’t satisfy my male ego, I have to say it and here it is, men don’t deserve independent and self made women because they have to learnt to give the space and respect for who she is and not by what they assume of her or what they want to think of her. 

For me women have to put all of us blind sided men in our place and show us that equality is not defined by gender but how you treat the other person devoid of all prejudices and norms; men have to break through this prejudice and trash the sexual differences sowed by bigots like Darwin. 

A rebuttal to those who still don't get it..

Being a woman is not that easy, try living under the microscope of the society and your own family once, having to self validate oneself against the odds stacked against being a woman needs some serious mental strength.

The logic that all men suddenly grow on them when they see a woman confident and strong is nothing but their insecurity and inferiority complex.

The first sign of a weak man is build up a narrative to pull down a woman he can't in another way compete with or can dominate is body shame her or bring in irrelevant anomalies that don't add up or make sense. Infact, I find it privileged to be in company of such woman who are full of themselves, full of ambition, desire to make their own destiny.

Let's talk about SEX - part i

Growing up listening to the titled song was more of a statement and how it has with times kept changing. So, let’s really talk about sex more than ever before and see how it is being perceived and what it symbolizes across cultures.

Sex! Ah that 3-letter word, and how it has been the bane of contention for centuries and generations. So why exactly is Sex such a beautiful expression at times and also be the most perverse intention? What makes it so reclusively congenial.

Sex as definition is ‘another word for making love’, but if you actually search the internet there is no meaningful definition of sex without using sexual activity or sexual intercourse in it. Sex as a word has no independent meaning without involving the word itself in it. Such is the incertitude of human definition of the word SEX. If sex were to be a person it would be most ill-defined, objectified, confused and misunderstood individual to ever exist.

Men and women define sex based on their sociologically tuned interactive conscious evaluations. So the definition of sex; Men seek sex in abundance and something they can never have enough of while women pursue sex as a secondary instinct. For men, sex is a mere primal instinct while for women it is more of love, intimacy and romance.

This inherent difference varies from culture to culture and from person to person which again redefines sex. This primal instinct of never enough isn't a male privilege anymore or pressured to be so. Females too have this insatiable appetite to seek more of it.

There is also this abundance of socially induced stereotypes that add up to the already confusing  definition of sex and these are stupidly male centric..
For example: Sex is physical and visual for men while it is personal and emotional for women. Men have sex for stimulating his hormones while women for psychological gratification. Unfortunately, men defined the word sex based solely on his convoluted perception without an imprimatur from women.

Sex to me is complex phenomenon that can be as much psychological as biological which can motivate intimate interpersonal relationships apart from the physical sensual pleasures and excitement. Sex I prefer to is strictly an enthusiasm of pure consent and never coercion.

Even though sex is in itself an innate fundamental function of procreation of the human species, it is also a complex paradox than mere evolutionary instinct to procreate. Sex has evolved from physical copulation to digital pornography to virtual simulation.

The digression of sex and its ultimate evolution isn’t a thing of the present but has been around centuries continuing to encourage perverse sexual proclivities ranging from pedophilia to necrophilia.

Sex is no more a natural chemical factory emitting dopamine, endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin, it is slowly becoming more banal and mechanical often showing carnal and animalistic behaviour.

Sex for better or worse can be seen drawings its influences and conclusions from family, society, religion and culture. Sex is gloriously celebrated as a way of life in some cultures while it is a taboo to even talk about in some cultures. For religions sex is a sin and a carnal demonic engagement while some have temples built in expression of sexual glory.

So what exactly is this SEX.

For some very few it is a simple physical exertion coupled with harmonal release and the pulsating climatic ecstasy of an orgasm (orgasms); ultimately substantiating their very existence as humans.

For some of the other few...

to be Contd

Shall ponder more on SEX its cultural influences, it's  abused version and other such intricates in my next post.

Let's talk about sex - part ii

...

Note: Sex in humans should be impartial and should have no affiliations, no distinction or discrimination towards individual sexual orientation irrespective of Straight, Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual or Transsexual.

Ramblings of a Hopeless Romantic

"I realised that the way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person’s soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack. The crack here is not your past or any but a way (crack) that you made for me but hid it in fear of falling for me but Voila i found it and here we are so much in love".

"When the words don’t spill from my lips, my eyes whisper to you. You pull the secrets out of me with just a smile. My heartbeat tells you all the stories I was hesitant to share. You speak a language only my heart knows and damn haven’t you become fluent".

"You have no idea how much i want to feel your legs intertwined with mine as we lay asleep, knowing you’re right there and not going anywhere. The sun sets so early nowadays, but, my God, your eyes have never been brighter. I find your lips, so kissable and your kiss, unmissable. your fingertips, so touchable and your eyes irresistible. I melt and get weak when I see you nude. I get a jolt of energy like no other".

"You are perfectly imperfect, you are just as flawed as any but you have a way of making it look cute. You have this attitude that allures me into you every time we argue or fight or anything that you do which impacts us. I am in love with the imperfect you and there is nothing so beautiful about having a woman who can be herself in the midst of everything. Just as human and just as imperfect as I am".

"Love is having to understand her, having said that it doesn't mean that you have solved the jinx that she is. She should remain to be the most important person whom you are trying to understand and will continue to which might sometimes have inconclusive references from countless attempts but you should never give up in loving her and understanding her. You will have to lf needed put in months and years in understanding who she is what she wants from you. All of which doesn’t mean she is  a complex being, it means you are not taking her for granted and you shall always strive to love her with the best of your abilities".

"If my words can make a hug turn to a kiss, I shall run through every word I have learnt and every way of putting them together to just capture your attention and imagination. I shall make it my ambition to make you stay this way for there is no warmer feeling than experiencing emotions this way".

Who is breaking the egg?

Let us start with a simple analogy of a marriage/ relationship to an Egg. Might sound silly but there are many lessons we can learn from simple natural creations around us.

Did you know that the near spherical shape of the egg makes it impossible to crack from a certain angle contrary to the fragility that is associated to it. In the same way our lives, the new love lives or marriages take an impossible to break bonding and nothing can break it or threaten the shape or idea behind it.

The couple that are newly in love or married share the most intimate of moments, a perfect relationship far from the reality of life and slowly fall under the belief that this perfection will remain and they are the perfect couple and nothing can touch them. But little did we know that this is not a fairy tale and having to take life for granted will take its toll on the relationship and it will break or wear down with time. Just like attacking the egg from the sides or the weaker section of it. The relationship which was assuming the perfect near spherical shape is giving away or slowly losing its shape cos we have taken each other for granted or the relationship on the whole. The notion that once it is yours will always stay yours creeps in and there starts the problem for everything. 

I am not a relationship guru neither am I married to give you an insight of what happens in relationships and why are we seeing more and more of unhappy couples and failing relationship and marriages.

Now let us start with the most wonderful thing we all are good at, the blame game. So, then who is actually breaking the egg? 

..to be contd

The Psychology of Change and Fear.

Am not a qualified professional to comment on the below but would like to give an insight on to what triggers each of these emotions and how we perceive them and what the society perceives of them. This is in relevance to the recent hot topics on terrorism and religion.

Let's start with fear: when one of us walks by the side of the road and suddenly a dog jumps on you and bites, it leaves an unforgettable impression of fear and you freakout the moment you see a dog let that be a pet or trained or a street dog.

Now that doesn't mean all dogs are bad and all dogs will bite you or only street dogs bite you and not the pet ones. Some dogs by their actions look friendly and some scare you by their appearance and both of them cannot be trusted which is what your fear makes you believe.

This fear when shared or experienced to another individual leaves just as an impression and fear of dogs. Now we also have other animals which bite but we emphasise more on the dogs and you know why.

The same applies to terrorism, if one rotten individual of the society has killed a few it would lead to a fear among the rest whenever they hear, confront or see someone.

A general psychosis should be established before we judge anyone and say someone is religious or secular.

Now coming to change: change is good and we perceive change as coming of age or times. When a change is taken by an individual which is perceived as pretty good by that individual might turn out to be the worst to the people around or pretty helpful.

However when it comes to religion which I believe is an institution that has gotten so rooted into our system that we believe that our religion is much better and ideological than others rather than embracing the finer points on each side we sit to judge and jump at the very context of a finger raising against ours.

When this very fabric is disturbed where we induce fanaticism saying what you see around is polluting the existence of ones religion and some change has to be introduced it leads to chaos and destruction.

Now this change is dangerous, there is no concept called innocence being brainwashed, there was never an innocence in the first place, the fanaticism was already existing which was slowly fed by the society and someone just brought in a change of view.

So in the end it all comes down to how you were brought up, what values are induced in you, what teachings of your religion actually got stuck in you and what change are you willing to observe.

Now being an illiterate or a literate would not change the above dynamics or the thought process as here this involves the psychology of the individual.

Disclaimer: this is just one individuals opinion and if you disagree i'd say don't eat more than you can chew.

The unfair obsession with fairness - I

To start with 'We Indians are very racist, racism is ingrained in us' period.

Saying which racism is not just in India, its the world over but ironically there they refer to different races and discriminate but whereas here in India we all belong to the same race and still get discriminated.

We are grandly (mis) quoted as the land of colours. All our festivals, our celebrations, ceremonies are so colourful and so energetic that they are most joyful to participate in and watch. Colours to us Indians represent Grandeur, it represents richness, it represents happiness and it represents the purity that we carry in any celebration or life's moments.

However when it comes to the colour of us indians skin we see everyone taking sides, basking for fair skin, attempting to get one, calling names to the dark one and what not.

Our country has a long history and obsession with the skin colour, owing to the caste system and culture .. but again I also wonder whether this preference to fair skin is from our natural instinct towards white vs black, day vs night, good vs bad. Or is it due to the preconceived notion, created by hundreds of years of colonial rule, the relative success of western whites over rest of the world.

Whatever that has caused this mindset is now slowly destroying lives, confidence and much to which is subjected to the unfair pressure by peer groups, magazines, billboards and TV adverts that perpetuate the idea that fair is the ideal.

Appearances should not be skin based.

This colour tone madness is so rampant especially for those seeking Grooms in India that i feel that our insensitively saturated society has successfully found means to just make a woman guilty for how she looks and have her silenced and inferior to her spouse,

This having said is not just here in India this is everywhere where such misconceptions lead to a generation feel guilty resulting in underpayment and belittlement, to forced marriages, genital mutilation, veiled, imprisoned and whatnot, just depends to what country you look and it becomes more or less obvious… that we Humans have successfully dehumanised ourselves.

Picture Courtesy: http://www.theindependentindia.com/

The Niece factor and eventful influences

The first such influence that I ever had was when my elder sister had her first daughter, I wasn’t there at that precious moment nor was I part of she growing up to be 9 years old, but I have had my experiences whenever she visited us. She now has the most adorable and impossible to convince of two daughters.

I always believed and over the time realised most of what has been for the fact that a girl child and eventually daughters have a higher emotional bonding with their parents and are the most precious ones to share love with. I had this privilege with two sisters and now with 3 doting nieces.

I write to share my experiences and the changes that have crept in slowly for the reason that I have a niece playing a major role in this else to which having to change me nor my way of life for either the good or bad has been a daunting task for my parents and anyone who tried.

It all started 35 months ago when my kid sister was blessed with what she calls the most beautiful gift she ever received, a daughter. For me it was one of the most memorable days, I called every number I had on my phone declaring to the world that am a proud uncle now.

Over the last couple of years my presumptions that I can very easily have my way with girls and am better at understanding them was all but trashed by my little niece. She stood to wrong me in everything that I have thought I know in making anyone pay me attention. I wasn’t prepared for this very attack she carries every minute whenever she is with me, she makes me fall on my knees to have her just to look at me when I am talking to her and many such acts i attempt to have her attention.

My experiences have been nothing but a traverse unfolding of events, moments that are making me who I am now, a very eligible baby caretaker, niece entertainer and most of all an experience to exhibit when I have my own baby

1. The poo poo situations: the only pooh I ever knew or learnt of was Winnie the pooh but wasn’t in anyways prepared for the poo poo moments, anticipating the moment of the Poo or just reading those expressions has become very important for any lapse in attention can end up in me cleaning up if not crying over the same on my loved carpet or my bed.
2. The diaper confusions: I have for the times purchased them for my niece but never was I of the imagination in changing them, what looks simple and easy is for the fact the most confusing art right from understanding which side of it is the front side and the back to putting them on her. Fortunately yet I haven’t gotten to clean the before and afters of the diaper change.
3. The remote wielder: I always have been fortunate to watch whatever channel I wish to at any given point without much of resentment from my parents or my sisters, however these privileges have slowly sunken to make way for the new boss, my niece. All I get to watch now are Baby TV and little more than anything but rhymes. Playing her channels to appease her has been of a paramount importance to me.
4. Clarifying the identity: Having to clarify that am the uncle has been the most visible and frequent of attempts I make whenever I go out or am in the crowd, she pulls in a lot of attention for the very looks she has got but having to make the lookers understand that I am still single and not taken to be a dad has been nothing but a tough job.
5. Changing your game and staying on top of it: Being part of the games my niece plays or watching her play has been the most difficult I am associated with. By the time I brace up to play her favourite game she winds it up to introduce another one. Perhaps a lesson in jumping the line whenever she wants me to.
6. The patient conversations and very high listening skills: I always have been very good at listening however to the select few whom I have deemed important. But having to be challenged at it and pay all of my attention to whatever she utters has been an integral part of us time. I don’t understand most of which she speaks but they are music to my ears as I have the first hand experience of her discoveries and the sweetness she expresses in explaining them to me.
7. Persuasion and frequent failures: I have but failed innumerable number of times in persuading her to listen or pay attention to me and have tasted failure at every other attempt I have made. She out rightly have slaughtered the stubbornness that was embedded in me and have made me compromise on everything right from accepting her poo poo on the carpet to she vandalising my room.

Of many such experiences to give a note of to the most beautiful moments that await me I shall live by to see my niece grow into the most amazing individual she can be and to the day where I get to chase the guys who are after her to the many such years I get to live and learn from her.

How available are you?

Well this is one such question that hoovers alongside my head and always has me in a dilemma over how much should I keep myself available while also protecting myself so as to be not walked over.
 

We all would have faced situations where we felt that we were being taken for granted and are emotionally too vulnerable where only one question pops out all of the times ‘was I too available to be played around’? Getting it straight, all in all I say it is a psychological game that is instinctively pulled on each other and the one who plays it straight comes out unharmed or with flying colours. 

So how available are you? It all goes with the situation and how deep you have dug yourself into.Let us sit down to assess a few situations where we are helplessly cornered.

No matter what the mode of introduction you approach you eventually have to resort to knowing her through an indirect media which is messaging either through an IM or SMS.Many questions pin us down and plague us while during the messaging like how often do I text?, how much should I text?, how long should I text and when should I text? The answer lies simple, no matter how attached you get of her make an effort to not look available for chat round the clock. Go on with your daily life, just know this being online all the time won’t win her instantly. 

Understand there is a fine line between being desperate or clingy and being mature about how you approach a relationship and always know that having a straight approach will separate the girls from the women and show you which ones play games, and which ones shoot from the hips.

Well what is wrong in being available all of the time and be there just when I am needed might as well strike in as a question but remember it reeks of desperation. Always be that person who has his own thing going on and isn't available all the time and someone who has a life. Let her not feel that she has to be available 24/7 for you, let her have time for herself and let her too miss you. And trust me on this as this is with pure touch of my personal experience.

But again there are instances where she talks or messages continuously and here you don't play games. Don't pretend to be less available than you are. If she is someone who likes to text periodically throughout the day that's fine, just be cool about it. Don't think too much about how available you're coming across. Just remember this too much of anything fades away eventually and a few strands remain as reminiscence. 

However inspite of all the above and it has come to a point where it is like you reached a dead end where you feel too much of communication played on her where it is now that she is either 

1. Dead

2. Avoiding you or

3. She has lost interest

4. playing hard to make you weak in your knees

So the next time and much before any of the above happens just be proactive learn from your mistakes, find patterns in what you did previously and scheme up a better strategy. Just remember this you are not alone in the game. Everyone was played around and everyone has an experience to share.

But all in all and honestly a real woman will appreciate someone who is just honest and says "hey I am single and i do not have a bunch of girls flocking around me. I am lonely, and i have all the time in the world and never too busy for you, i like you a lot, have got a lot of love to give”.

Making you play hard is something that little girls do in high school. Just get out there be a man, lay your cards on the table ensure to not be clingy and wait till the girl is interested, let her know that you dig her a lot, just be cool, just allow her know that you have a heart of gold and a lot of love to give, and you aren't scared to say it.

The Psychology involved in winning her, a perspective to take note of...

Well here it is my own recipe for winning her heart but cutting short the chase and ending up with her.

First understand this, a women's heart is a room locked from outside and the key thrown away in the ocean. You can’t anyways find it or open it with sure shot key. You will have to find a duplicate by trying every possible key in the process; simply put, you will have to keep trying and trying and once you enter her heart you are there forever (as long as you are a good resident).

Now the tough part, opening her heart with the key you discovered after several hit and trials is just the beginning. You are not sure what’s in the room (her heart) whether you have anybody already residing in it (her first love or an ex or something else) so be prepared for any eventuality or any sudden discoveries or face hitting situations. But be happy to know that you have opened the room (her heart) and there lies a million opportunities to make her yours.

I always have believed in one thing, getting to have her attention is the most difficult part. She might like your attire, your attitude, your smile, your humour, your confidence or your everything or anything. So always be at your best and always and i mean always be yourself, no one knows what might catch her eye but once you get it i should say we cracked the code to her heart.

Now to the cheat codes

Aged 18 to 23 - the girls falling under this age group are all daddy girls. You should tread carefully not for the fear of getting roughed by her dad but by falling into confusion of understanding her. Simply put they are themselves confused over many a million issues like discovering their womanhood, menstrual cycles, mood swings, physical growth, and misunderstandings among their friends over many issues which might even be about some blue eyed bloke.

The key is to be sensible and shower love just as equal or more than her dad does, be there for her for everything even for conversations she can’t have with her father. Treat her like a lady and never discount her based on her age, girls basically at this age are usually treated as kids if not growing adults by their parents and the ones around. Primarily their parents fear presenting or addressing them as adults for their own reasons. Pamper her; the universal rule to any girls heart, be kind with words treat her royal and i guarantee she is yours life.

I have scores more instructions but it is always good to have a head start in the race to win her heart. End of which always be honest and never try to take advantage of her vulnerabilities.

Aged 24 to 26 - the women falling under this age are been there and heard that kinds with less or no actual experience of handling true love or a charmer like you (that is if u believe you are one). All you need is confidence and chivalry. Here they enter the phase of dreaming and searching for the prince charming kinds and i should tell you being the usual you will not work. Up the ante and i promise her heart is yours. So as the fables go be her prince charming save her from the other not so charming boring guys. First thing to win her attention is being a wise ass and being funny and honestly if none of these traits are yours then i am sorry you don’t belong to read this blog.

At this age she is past her regular feminine issues she is now bothered with settling down with her prince charming or someone near to that. Play fair treat her like she is your princess build your castle around her. Show her that her future with you is secured and she will always be your princess and you guys will live happily ever after.

As again i do not want to stress more on how to win her but will again advice you, you break her heart here and the scar remains forever and coming from such a similar situation i understood that injuries heal but scars remain.

Aged 27 and more - The women here are the toughest to convince. They don’t just have their room locked from outside but also from the inside, even if you end up opening the door (her heart) she will still have to get convinced to allow you in. Simply put you end up either as hers for life or out forever or rarely a friend till days end.

The rules of the game change here and none of the cheat codes work. All you have to do is be yourself and pray for her to open her heart.

But again honesty, chivalry, respect towards her, respect towards fellow beings, responsibility, taking control of situations, being the first to jump the gun, first to initiate, humble, generous, family oriented and other such traits can immensely help you impress her to open the lock from inside.

Just know one thing here they are been there, done that and even burned him kinds so whatever you try or do always have noble intentions and above all be patient and voila they are yours for life.

We have many more to cover but honestly don’t eat what you can’t digest.

Disclaimer - The above are a personal perspective and in no way are an intention to hurt the sentiments of any individual or gender addressed as in the post.

And to all who wish to follow the above, please consider this to be a cheat code to her heart than to break it.

A Woman's heart for dummies

My posts have been nothing but an out and out shout to the world about how difficult it is to be in a relationship and how impossible and difficult women are and how near to equal mission to mars is about winning her heart.

But on the contrary below are my opinions and experiences that i think are more than needed to make her yours and win her heart.

1) Be sensitive to her feelings and emotions and more importantly to her moods swings whether they be from a nail polish spill or a stained dress or from pre to post or during the menstrual cycle.

2) Always listen, try and open your ears to whatever she speaks and mind you women have the best of memories of conversations that happen or have happened.

3) Speak the truth, try your best to not lie. If you cannot but have to lie always make sure your lie sticks good. But eventually and very mysteriously women over the time can sniff your lie out of you and your skin. So always try to be honest even it means sleeping on the couch.

4) Support her, always be there to support her whenever she needs you and trust me you will be surprised to the extent she can go to keep you happy.

5) Understand her, try to understand and reason with her with the best of your abilities. They might not be right all the time but reasoning to help her understand your opinion is advisable rather walking away from the situation.

6) Correct her, never point a mistake of hers before family or friends. If you find her doing a mistake it does mean she is ignorant of the same. Women aren't like men they bend the rules but rarely do they break them.

7) Give her space, doesn't necessarily mean to ignore or avoid her but giving space to let her be herself. Women say they need space but unlike men they don't lurk in corners declaring it as their private space. They want you to be with them even if they demand for space.

8) Give her the independence, allow her to be and do whatever she feels comfortable doing. If she wants to be career oriented let her be, if she wants financial freedom allow her.

9) Do not compare her to your mother. Period and no matter what.

10) Do not be predictive, surprise her, get to do whatever it is to prove that you are not one of those run off the mill duds.

11) Remember dates, i know we suck at this but trust me remembering them will earn you more than you have bargained for.

12) Compliment her, the very essential ingredient for any successful relationship. Just know this whatever she is like and however she dresses or presents herself is only to please you and a honest compliment here there wont kill you.

13) Gifts, doesn't necessarily mean you have to splurge insane or considerable amounts to gift her. Most of the women believe in simple yet beautiful things. Give her gifts occasionally and trust me a single rose can also has the potential melt her.

14) Occasional outings, take her out occasionally else on weekends. it allows her to breathe from the daily busy life of hers and believe me it helps her heal emotionally and physically when she spends time alone with you. This also helps you to avoid confronting her during her mood off moments.

15) Cook for her, even if you cant cook a full course meal at least try to help her in the kitchen.

16) Give her priority, every women craves to be her mans number one priority.

17) Open yourself, discuss your problems, irrespective of what they are. trust me women are more sane and smart when solving problems.

18) Hang out with her, make her your beer buddy, or a sports company or a pillion rider or anything that you normally have your male friends for. Occasional hanging out with women is fun, trust me on this.

19) Get emotional, open up your emotions with her, cry to her and trust me no one you know except her can cry along. Women involve themselves emotionally more effectively than you can imagine.

20) Get romantic, flirt with her, tease her, play around, talk your heart, sing with her, dance with her, cuddle her, hug her, arrange for special dinners, or drives, surprise her and more importantly show her your love than mere saying you love her. Note actions speak louder than words.

End of the day men will be men and women vice versa but having to follow at least a couple from the above can help solve the assumed complexities of a relationship and more importantly break the different theories that women are complex beings and are difficult to understand.

Considering this as a manual for reference will take no where but to your grave, follow it and practice for a better you and a better her in building a better relationship.

Epilogue: A little emotional You, sensitive You and a sensible You is all what it takes to win her heart.

Qualities of a perfect man? yay yay

As in the usual and given the way I spend my time when idle, I surfed the net and have found quite a few interesting studies and opinions on qualities that make a man perfect. While referring to this get perfect or defect guide, I remembered one such sentence from somewhere which said ‘there is no such think called a perfect man, you will have to compromise’ so I shout out to all the women out there ‘what just happened to the compromise part’. 

Anyways coming to this study, it was published as a general perspective from a couple of thousand females who defined what qualities they think are of a perfect man.

The qualities of the perfect man according to a study are as below and I have with great difficulty tried to compare them to myself to see where I fit in

1. Six feet tall – Nearly there with half an inch less than six feet, if such a discrepancy is considered then it’s a YES

2. Muscly, toned and athletic – my BMI is 24.4 and it says am normal weight, if she still insists I can drag myself to a gym once in a while

3. Brown eyes – Yes, but confused with why so specific with the eye colour.

4. Short dark hair - Yes but with a few grey strands, will dye if she insists.

5. Educated to degree level - Yes

6. Earns more than you – I don’t mind she not working or she earning more than me. If she actually earns more than me and she is very particular about me earning more than her then I will do extra jobs.

7. Earns 48,000 pounds a year – That is pretty big number when converted to INR, I can match that in INR per month

8. Drives an expensive car – Please define expensive

9. Jokes around and has a laugh – Yes and as long as am not asked to be a joke

10. Sensitive when you are upset - Am sensitive all the time, I cry sometimes.

11. Tells you he loves you only when he means it – I Love you

12. Admits it when he looks at other women – Seriously, I don’t think she can handle such a honesty

13. Wants a family - Yes

14. Rings mum regularly - We in India actually live with our parents

15. Non smoker – Yes

16. Drinks beer or lager – Been 68 days now, but can start if she insists

17. Gorges on meat – Am a vegan and will not compromise, please an exception.

18. Dresses smartly and is stylish – I think I do

19. Enjoys shopping – if that is for myself

20. Gets ready in about 17 minutes – Never kept track but I think I do, and it applies to you too and what’s with this 17 again

21. Clean shaven – Always a Yes

22. Smooth chest – Pretty impressive way of making me go through the pain of waxing

23. Can swim – I can stand in most of the pools without drowning, again what is that have to do being perfect. Weird.

24. Can ride a bike – Owns a classic added with a couple of accidents

25. Can change a tyre – My mechanic does that for me

26. Watches soaps – the only soap I know is a bath soap

27. Enjoys watching football – Don’t we men like sports.

28. Holds a driving licence – How can we drive an expensive car and own a bike without a licence in the first place and btw I still have to apply for one. 

For what all i know, a relationship always works if it is between individuals who are perfectly imperfect.

Men Vs. Women, anyone?

We all have often but carefully chose to tread the path that defines who we are as men and women, what we want from each other and what we understand of. To which some of us including me have found a profound liking to, a blame i take upon myself but let us have an honest retrospection on why we are made this way.

Men and women through ages have constantly criticized and ridiculed each other engaging in many maneuvers which have if not entirely resulted in exasperating people like me. So I refrain from commenting on any such representations carried through time but would like to refute the basis on which they are made.

So is it that men hate women and vice versa?

To start with let us understand what it is when people use statements like “women are a lot more complicated than men” a serious nonsense I say but I have my own take on it though. To all of such fools “Men are just as complicated” are we all not forgetting being fed statements such as “men are simplistic fools who exist to be told what to do, and women are the complex, entitled princesses of the universe” all through childhood. But seriously, why can’t there be an equal take on the both genders which is found missing in every sphere of our lives.

Anyways coming to arguments where we have men not trusting women and women not trusting men for whatever the reason they have found compelling, we should all know that opinions when put on debate can attract some disenfranchised people.

So you may get a few people who lurk in these places just wanting everyone to know how evil women are and also women with opinions vice versa. We should all remember that not everyone is a rocket scientist, and henceforth we will have some people who have a limited capacity for relationship success. By nature of their genetic disposition, their temperament and their upbringing they will choose people who may be similarly dysfunctional and start relationships. These will inevitably be problem ridden or unsuccessful. After repeated failures they will start to take aim at the whole opposite sex, expressing their disappointment at their own failures by blaming others and no matter what, we cannot talk them out of it.

So how complicated are we when it comes to understanding each other. Putting it simple “A man’s brain is like a waffle. Integrated squares, where there is a clear route from one idea to the next. A woman’s brain is like, (wait a second I love pasta) a bowl of spaghetti, one idea goes off into many tangents and there is no clear route or outcome”.

In a general perspective sitting myself outside of the men vs. women “war” the overriding impression I get is that both the men and women have simply given up on their respective opposites with never ending hounding and confusion prevailing among them for so many years. They are horribly lost by the endless, conflicting messages of expectations.

If not anything, let us first try and understand why it is that men hate women and the next? Exploring the few nuances some women seem to be dead-set on putting their men down, trying to change them, making them give-up on a few choices, take up new ones and so.

Women dominate emotional situations. Women know, are taught, and even study insipid ways of manipulating situations in their favour. For an example when women say “You never make me feel special”, or “You do not buy me presents or make me feel special at random” it does not mean that they never feel special, just that they don’t feel special now, and need to make absolutes to get what they want.

Women know the power and control they have and most of them love to abuse it (not just use it). Sometimes it is amazing to let your man take charge. Perhaps a guy would do more random special things if he felt like he was allowed to have his balls back and be a man.

Having said the above does not in anyways take the blame away from men. Men are hated for most of them are just as lazy as hell, major procrastinators; they do nothing but sit on the couch and watch the house crumble around them but simply won’t do anything.

Men are no lesser saints here, trying to assume the infused machoism and act insensitive or being ignorant of the basic emotional needs of the opposite sex. Their incapacitating tendencies of taking her for granted, assuming that now that she is his there is nothing to be done but sit back and enjoy the show.

With nothing more to but only reasons to all these clichés have men considered as subservient idiots who always forget important occasions and focus on sports or hobbies and while women are considered as always nagging domineering and manipulative ones who whilst just wanting to be cuddled, will decline a cuddle to say “you’re just doing that because I am upset”.

Having to said all of the above am but now let to the make below point of note
All of this might sound as having fun or is it that it is really riddled with anger towards the opposite sex, which  again I leave for the reader to ponder on. Men Vs. Women someone please.

What women want from their men? (understanding how to understand her)

Being a mountaineer doesn't mean you have the ability or skill to scale the Mt. Everest, being a deep sea diver doesn't necessarily mean you can dive through Marina trench. Having the ability to interpret if not understand something or someone doesn't mean you have mastered it.

So does this blog, having to write some facts about women doesn't mean that the author has solved the jinx that woman is. She still remains to be the most important subject of discussion with inconclusive references from countless attempts that are through ages in understanding who she is and what she actually wants from her men.

Having said that, it should be considered that right from the times of Adam and Eve to the times now, women have always been seen as the complex being to be around with, always coined as an enigma from Venus. Through the ages innumerable they always were misunderstood and misinterpreted.

So who is a she? What does she actually want? (This is but a feeble attempt to know who she is). What defines her and what makes her?

A woman is a mother, she will love you like one, she might also trouble you and demand pampering like a daughter, she will sometimes take care of you like a girlfriend, understand you like a friend, support you like a wife and look up to you like a sister, she is a force to reckon with when angered. she is all that and much more.

Below are a few pointers that a woman wants us ‘Men’ to understand of her

•             All women love pampering. However much they deny it, the bottom line is they love it.

•             All women want their man to be self-sufficient'. They prefer us to be ‘The One’ for them.

•             Some women might be career-oriented, but would still want us to take care of them which doesn't mean she can't. She also would like to contribute some percentage in helping us run the house. So let her.

•             A Woman’s career is as important to them as is ours to us. Better respect that.

•             Whenever a woman says ‘Fine’ something is damn very well not fine and when they say, ‘nothing’, there is always something to discuss.  Giving up on asking is not at all a good option.

•             Women sometimes might want us to understand things without they actually expressing it or without we asking about them. Probing to understand her is always good.

•             Women might get attracted towards our bad-boy image that is because they believe they can change that into a good-boy.

•             Women are emotional. They think from their heart and in the process get hurt very often. They want us to be the one who will never hurt them.

•             Women do not like criticism, better if not to keep it to the minimum. Do not criticize; their cooking skills (they are not trying to compete with our mom’s cooking), their driving, their electrical or electronic skills et al.

•             Women hate being lied to. Do not ever lie to avoid confrontations, do not ever omit or hide details (it is also construed as a lie).

•             Women and their mood swings don't just happen during 'that' time of the month, they can happen anytime, anywhere and the sooner we learn to identify them the better it is for us and it always helps to agree with them during those times.

•             Women always want to be part of our lives and it is better to understand that. When they ask how was our day, ‘fine’ is never the answer to give they expect to hear details.

•             Women also need their girls' night out. They gossip. They bitch. They drink. They even abuse. Better get over it.

•             When a woman says Yes, she means Maybe. When she says No, she means Maybe. When she says Maybe, she means No. And all of that is expected to be understood, they can’t help it they are programmed that way.

•             Women too like being chased and wooed but not stalked and do not appreciate we crossing the line here. Adopting crappy and cheesy lines to get to her are an absolute no-no.

•             Women do not consider looks as important but that doesn't mean they are blind and have no sense of smell. Always ensure to look and smell good.

•             Women like men with manners, etiquette and chivalry while vulgarity and cheapness are meant for us boys night out. Make efforts to keep it that way.

•             Women get jealous. It is always good to maintain one arm distance with the fairer sex which they approve as an appropriate distance.

•             When women are silent, better go through every conversation that has happened in the near past to figure out where we went wrong.

•             Women prefer us helping them in the house. Good to extend a helping hand every now and then.

•             Women prefer us being cutely jealous but not obsessively possessive. Do not cross that line.

•             Women have good memory, they not only remember important dates and events but also every conversation they have had with us. So it is better to not refer to any old argument. It is for our own good.

•             A woman wants commitment; not inking-their-names-on-our-body kinds but a promise that she is and will be the most important person in our life.

•             Women have quite a few close and costly friends; Diamonds are their best friends while chocolates, shoes, bags, dresses, perfumes, make-up are their other close friends.

•             Women love shopping and taking them out for shopping is the best medicine to cheer them up – ALMOST ALWAYS!

•             Women like being lazy too so don’t expect them to be dolled up all the time with manicured hands and perfect hairstyle.

•             Women take hours to dress up which eventually for us men, they expect a better response and acknowledgement in return than 'you look good.' or 'are you done yet?'

The above I call is just the tip of the ice berg, trying to unravel the mystery that she is needs years of dedicated husbandry and a great sense of details.

Disclaimer: An attempt henceforth made from the above should be referred to as only an attempt but not a survivor’s guide in your daily lives with women. 

What Men Want (an untouched and ignored subject)?

From the times unknown to the times now, we ‘men’ have always wandered along the paths of uncertainly to understand ‘what a women want’ so little was its success that a very few embraced it while the rest continued to lurk in the darkness getting lost completely. While the very subject continues to be elusive there are not many women who actually have set out to understand ‘what we as men want’, very rare are such instances where such a thought process was initiated.

Having to come from such an ignored class or gender that always has been at the receiving end I would want to throw some light on how simple a creation we are and how easy are we to be interpreted.

The below gives a brief introduction to all the women who always have wondered what we want but never understood us.

To start with we are simple creatures yet live to expect the very the basics from life

• - We have at least once in our lifetime have dream't of marrying a rich girl and becoming a house husband. We also sometimes wish are born as a woman. We love staying home.
• - We want to date the hottest girl in town but would want to marry the one who can cook. We love home cooked food.
• - We love our mothers and will remain mama's boys... forever.  The sooner you accept it, the happier you'll be. Never come between a man and his mother, she is and will always be the first woman in our lives. We love our Mommies.
• - We don’t prefer deep conversations about where the relationship is going.  Without much of an ado if we are with you, it means the relation is going someplace... that someplace could change with time. We allow time to decide the due course.
• - We when home from work seek peace and calmness for at least 10 minutes. We take time to settle.
• - We when say Yes, we mean Yes. When we say No, we mean No. We want you to understand that and not dissect every move we make and every word we say. We mean what we say. 
• - We want to surprise our women for their birthdays and anniversaries but a little help from their side about what they want would really help. We love to surprise you.
• - We don't remember dates.  Most of us do not remember the first time we looked at each other, the first time we touched or the first time we fought. If you want us to remember, remind us. We too busy remembering days and dates.
• - We want our space. We don't want to tell you what we do every second of the day nor do we want to know what you ate for lunch and how many bites you have had. We have more important things to take care of.
• - We want you to know that even if we are watching TV, playing video games, watching sports and when you are talking we obviously are listening even if you think we aren't. We love sports and listening to you.
• - We are slobs. We don't want you to tidy up after us. If everything is left on the table, let it be there. It makes it easier to find without the hassle of getting into drawers and cupboards. We are lazy.
• - We need and want our Boys' Night out where we can drink and just forget about everything else. We love our friends.
• - We can't interpret your silence. We don't get hints, not direct hints not subtle hints, neither can we read your mind. We want you to tell us in clear words what is it that you want. We are not psychologists.
• - We don’t like playing the guessing games, if you have something to tell us something that is bothering you; share it. We love to help.
• - We want you to know that if we are with you and look at another woman, that doesn't mean we don't love you. We are just programmed that way, we just to have to look. We love to appreciate beauty.
• - We forget; not just the anniversaries and birthdays but also bad ugly fights. We love to forget and forgive.
• - We don't like to talk about past nor discuss yours in excruciating details. So please let it be that way. We don’t dwell in past.
• - All of us men get jealous... we just don't want to show fearing to scare you away. We love you too. 
• - We fantasize... about, you know... a lot. Every other minute or so. We love dreaming.
• - We lie. It can be white lies, big ones or small fibs. We do, and all of us do. We want you to know (believe) that it is for your own good. We do it all for you.
• - We like to chase the woman of our dreams... but only till that time we deem fit. If it goes on for too long, we lose interest and if it is too short, we don't get the sense of achievement. We love pursuing.
• - We, well most of us would do and say anything, and i mean anything, to get you into bed and after that we would want you to forgive us as well. We also make mistakes; To err is to human.
• - We can sense when you are emotionally vulnerable... and sadly some of us prey on those vulnerabilities. Some of us are opportunists.
• - We want to be good at flirting. Some of us are while most of us are not. We flirt too.
• - We hate shopping unless it is for us. We love our gadgets.
• - We gossip... but will never accept it but we do. We love gossips too. 

Disclaimer - The post might have missed to include a great much detail on stuff that makes men who they are, the above perspective is from an individual who is single and not having gone through the landscapes of Marriage where nuances such as the above will continue to elicit a limited response as connoisseurship keeps shrinking.